Done your Christmas shopping yet?

Have you? Thought not. Take my advice and get it done now or you'll regret it.

Last year's bitter experience hunting down presents for family, friends and a girl I'd all but given up hope on rekindling a waning relationship with was a stress inducing daymare I'd not willingly repeat.

A Christmas Eve Eve (Dec 23rd) shop, even in the most parochial, provincial enclave of the sleepy South can and will turn into the Rape of Nanking.

November 2009 was my Gordon Comstock Month

Almost exclusively:

get up, go to work, go home, go to bed, get up, go to work, go home, go to bed, get up, go to work, go home, go to bed, get up, go to work, go home, go to bed, get up, go to work, go home, go to bed, get up, go to work, go home, go to bed, get up, go to work, go home, go to bed, get up, go to work, go home, go to bed, get up, go to work, go home, go to bed, get up, go to work, go home, go to bed, get up, go to work, go home, go to bed, get up, go to work, go home, go to bed, get up, go to work, go home, go to bed, get up, go to work, go home, go to bed, get up, go to work, go home, go to bed, get up, go to work...

Hence next to no Wine Gums and Poppycock.

More this month, I swear.

F*lix the F*x - The world's biggest masochist?

Whatever your views on fox hunting are, you have to agree that this is pretty stupid. Here is a link to a page run by FightTheBan.com, which features a silhouette of an anthropomorphic fox mascot in hunting regalia sticking two fingers up to somebody - presumably Tony Blair or the BBC or some loony leftie.

The logo, whilst quite nicely drawn, is massively stupid for one obvious reason - the mascot is a FOX which is PRO-FOX HUNTING. That's the kind of stupid that's on par the level of a British Muslim voting for the BNP.

Chris Evans killed in Afghanistan: Lookalike League Table updated

I suppose it should be flattering when a stranger or casual acquaintance remarks on your resemblance to someone rich and famous. Unless of course that person happens to be Chris Evans. I was recently asked by a patron of one of my local boozers if I was 'looking forwards to taking over Terry Wogan's show'. Cheeky fucker.

It had been a while since I'd been compared that "jumped-up kissogram-turned-light-entertainment colossus."*

Annoyingly this recent remark catapults him up my Lookalike League Table a couple of notches. My mis-en-scene Premiership** for the 09-10 season now looks something like this:

Gary Glitter: Bad Reputation

So, 'The Execution of Gary Glitter', Channel 4 last night.

Apparently, the chap who played Paul Gadd in what was supposedly an 'intelligent and thought-provoking examination' on the death penalty (according to Channel 4), had a bit part in Return of the Jedi.

Garry Bushell and Anne Widdecombe? Really? You've actually made me use italics for emphasis three times now.

I hope you're happy Channel 4.

Last night I dreamt about Faris Badwan

Last night I had a dream involving Faris Badwan, lead singer of The Horrors. It was night, we were both on our way to London and we were flying. We both sported wings you see. Giant seraphic wings of a two metre span.

I was dressed in my talismanic navy blue pinstripe suit, powder blue shirt and black tie. He in some sort of vaudeville cloak. My wings were grey, with brown arrowhead tips on the large primaries. His, naturally, were black. I was carrying my brown holdall containing all my belongings which was dangling awkwardly between both my arms. It was clearly a struggle for me to fly when carrying such as large bag and for practical reasons, I couldn't well carry it on my back. Faris was unencumbered by any luggage. He had everything he needed.

Nerd Alert: Five things I'd like to see in Civ V - or why Civ III is better than Civ IV

Nerd Alert: The following will only make any sense to you if you are at the very least familiar with any of the games from Sid Meier's Civilization series. If you've not even heard of Civ, then it's probs best you don't bother with this. For those of you understand what I mean when I say 'Phalanx Beats Tank' read on. Otherwise, please return tomorrow when normal service will be resumed...

~~~

In Defence of English Cooking and the English Breakfast Defence League

One of my favourite pieces of literature ever is a little-known George Orwell b-side called In Defence of English Cooking. Written for the Evening Standard back in 1945, In Defence puts paid to the myth that English cooking, widely derided as the worst in the world, is as bad as those pesky foreigners (i.e. French people) make it out to be.

Pink Floyd Rock Band anyone?

So it looks like my mum wants Beatles Rock Band for Winterval Christmas. Cool, then it can go next to the Wii plus WiiFit and Balance Board which she never uses...

This got me thinking about the inevitable syngery options which have no doubt already been thought of by advertising big brains in shiny shoes and Saville Row suits. Next Christmas could see the following being unwrapped 'neath the polyethylene boughs:

Britain's Really Disgusting Foods: No Shit Spurlock

This programme which is going to be shown on BBC Three tomorrow is apparently going to blow the lid on the meat industry. You might have already seen the trailer, showing how chicken Kievs are made. Apparently they're made from the pulped skins of chickens and presumably any other bits that won't go into fillets and other meat products where the body part is quite clearly identifiable.

#Friday follows Thursday

Last week was something of a double coup (coup coup) for Twitter. The Twittering classes managed to capsize a government gagging order on the Graun. The story the paper was prevented from running concerned the activities of Trafigura, a raw materials trader who supposedly illegally dumped of toxic waste off of the Ivory Coast. It's been covered in greater detail by others (Guido Fawkes, Charlie Brooker) so I won't bother going into it in detail. The PDF of the gagging order can be found here (courtesy of the Guardian).

The Last Thing I Want To Do/Rick Wakeman had Talent in a Previous Life

I don't really know why I'm doing this. After a solid week of churning out War & Peace-sized tracts of copy at my arbeit the LAST THING I WANT TO DO when I get home is to fire up my laptop and blog about my boring life on the internet.

Ste McCabe: Calling time on Wossy's house band

Twitter's great innit? I found this guy via a tweet from George O'Dowd, aka Boy George (@theboygeorge). I'd added him ages ago, mistakenly thinking him to be Chris O'Dowd, aka actor who plays Roy from The IT Crowd. Turns out Chris O'Dowd is on Twit under a different name (@BigBoyler).

Wonk Unit

Wonk Unit is one of the most exciting and compelling live acts currently operating on the UK DIY punk scene. Their music is straight-up no-frills rock and roll, and the band's delivery is unpretentious to the point that their frontman can recite poems - poems - in between songs and for it not to be pretentious (watch out for the 'The Plasterer'). Inter song poetry recitals aside, closest reference points to the Wonk Unit live sound would be AC/DC and early Green Day. It's tempting to toss around phrases such as 'workmanlike' and 'navvyish', not least because lead singer Alex is a builder in his day job - quite literally a DIY punk rocker.

Taking the piece de la: Muse - 'The Resistance'

Listening to The Resistance after Muse's previous albums (Origin of Symmetry in particular) is kind of like watching Star Wars: Attack of the Clones after watching the previous Star Wars films (The Empire Strikes Back in particular).

No Offenc: The Time-Travelling Ghost of Mary Whitehouse takes over Facebook

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